Every now and then a game comes along that is so spectacular, so wonderful, so utterly compelling that it simply reduces mere mortal reviewers to a stream of incoherent superlatives and hyperbole. Frizzy is not that game. Frizzy is the exact opposite. This is a game so bad, so incomplete and so utterly banal that I’m quite concerned that by the end of writing this review, most of my brain will have melted and dribbled down my face, leaving me nothing but a gibbering husk of my former self.
Before that happens, I’ll try to stay on topic at least for a little while. Frizzy is allegedly a game in which players control “a ball of dirt and hair” that navigates its way through what can only be described as the most generic, least interesting levels I’ve ever encountered. Movement in Frizzy is a hideous mix of clumsy platforming and clumsier physics, with a control set that must have been conceived by a man with 16 fingers. The difficulty level spikes randomly and without rhyme or reason between stupefying one moment and utterly, infuriatingly hard the next.
Here’s what I liked:
Absolutely nothing — Frizzy is utterly abhorrent. There is nothing pleasurable about playing it whatsoever, and the fact that someone may one day be extorted into paying real money to play it must surely be a crime in at least half of the civilised world. To give you some idea of how I feel about Frizzy, I genuinely don’t know if I can think of a worse game on any console in the 25 years since I first picked up a joystick. If I were forced to pick a redeeming feature, it would have to be the music, which is at least only as bad as the usual plinky-plonky fare that accompanies a lot of games of this type.
Here’s what I didn’t like:
Absolutely everything — I’m really not sure what else I can say to accurately surmise how I feel about Frizzy, but having provided some insight into just how bad it is, I’ll now try to explain a bit more about why. Aside from the dull levels, terrible controls, poor graphics and music, I just don’t feel like Frizzy is even ready to be released. It’s missing loads of assets, and what’s here is poorly assembled. There are collectibles that don’t seem to do anything and have no animation or sound effect when collected to indicate their importance. Scattered throughout levels are brightly coloured cats who offer bizarre, misspelt hints and tips and are animated as they stand up to deliver their sage advice, but not when they sit back down. Almost every level is cobbled together from crappy grey blocks that fit badly and look awful, and the whole game suffers from an appalling motion stutter that is genuinely unpleasant.
Do not buy Frizzy. It is an uncompromisingly terrible game. Not only is it rubbish, but it’s also broken, which is unacceptable for an indie game on the Xbox Marketplace in 2015. In a world where one man brought us Braid and another Fez, not to mention the hundreds of other exceptional games that have been produced by small studios, there is simply no excuse for the kind of tardiness on display here.
Score: Skip It
Frizzy was developed and published by Team Frizz on Xbox One. It was released on December 23, 2015 for $7.99. A copy was provided by Team Frizz for review purposes.