I am not a father, so maybe I’m not the most qualified person to write a review for Dad Beat Dads. I always knew raising a child was hard work, but what I didn’t know was that it routinely involves fist-fighting other parents. If parenting really does punching sharks, stealing treasure and playful kidnapping, then I think I finally know the true meaning behind “the joy of fatherhood.” I learned a lot from this game, but the lesson that truly stands out is that I better hit the gym before I ever become a dad.

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Here’s what I liked:

Play date — Dad Beat Dads features three game modes, all playable with up to four players. All modes utilize the same set of moves, but they play very differently. The only mode that really utilizes the “Dad” angle is Smash ‘n Grab, where every player must protect their baby while also trying to steal their opponents’ children and bring them to their goal. It can be a hectic mess, but it can also be a blast — kidnapping really shouldn’t be this much fun. Corporate Ladder sends the fathers to work by having them collect the most coins, while also climbing higher as the screen slowly scrolls upward. It’s the weakest mode of the bunch but still a lot of fun. The highlight is by far Diaper Sniper, a more traditional death match mode where the babies stay at home while their fathers pelt each other with diaper-swaddled bricks. It never matters which mode you decide to play, because every mode is a winner.

Baby proofing — All the fixings you need to get every ounce of enjoyment from multiplayer matches are here. You can play free-for-all or on teams with any combination of human and computer players. Every game mode gets its own set of arenas, and each one stands out thanks to clever gimmicks and design. Options can be adjusted before every match, allowing you to alter match time or toggle friendly fire as you see fit. The best little feature is the mini-tutorial you must complete after selecting your character; it’s super helpful for learning the game, and it can also be disabled once everyone knows the ropes. The overall design and customization makes playing consistently simple, varied and fun.

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Here’s what I didn’t like:

Back in my day — Nowadays way too many games don’t include offline multiplayer (I’m looking at you, AAA developers), but Dad Beat Dads has the opposite problem. The game’s scope is kind of limited: no online multiplayer and no true single player, just the three modes you can play only offline with buddies and/or bots. It may be crummy to criticize a game for not having features it obviously never intended to have, but its absence is the game’s only glaring downside.

Dad Beat Dad winner

Wrap-up:

Dad Beat Dads is a fun party game that favors quality over quantity. It may not appear to have much, but it does what it does well and at a modest price to boot. If you ever get in an argument with someone about who is the best parent, this is the game that will settle the score.

Score: Try It

Dad Beat Dads was developed and published by Stellar Jay Studios. It was released February 5, 2015 for $5.99. A copy was provided by Stellar Jay for review purposes.